Let me list the loves of my life. Some more than others, but I’m reminiscing!

DUNE II - Westwood Studios, 1992

If someone asked me what’s the first RTS game I ever played, I’d probably answer back with this one. My oldest brother (the good) naturally chose Atreides, I (neutral) chose Ordos and my other brother (evil) chose Harkonnen. The three factions obviously suited our very different tastes. Or more so, I just got left with what my brothers didn’t want.

I can never forget how much I hated getting my harvesters eaten by the dune worms… and how we use harvesters to run over Fremen. Muahaha.

C&C: RED ALERT - Westwood Studios, 1996

This game started LAN gaming for me. I was in the 2nd year of high school (hmm, 14 years old) and this was the default game me and my guy friends play… aside from Quake II. We don’t usually play the normal maps, we’d do 2v2 on a custom map which basically has resources on the sides and right in the middle without any extra terrain.

Winning means building and massing fast. Build as much War Factories as possible and churn out Mammoth Tanks! No strategy… pointless…. but FUN anyway!

Hmm, both from Westwood Studios. WESTWOOD STUDIOS, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU? You were my favorite developer 15 years ago!!! Oh wait, EA happened. I had so much deep hatred for EA then. DAAAAMN YOU EA!!!

Other past RTS love affairs:

Starcraft <3 - Starcraft was my first foray to online gaming. Everyone knows Starcraft so I don’t need to elaborate.
Age of Empires - when my clanmates and I are taking a break from Starcraft.

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MASTER OF ORION - Microprose, 1993

I love this game. I really do. I remember playing it even after Master of Orion 3 came out when I’m on an Abandonware spree. In these types of games, I always go for production and research, so I *think* I always took the Psilons or the Klackons.

COLONIZATION - Microprose, 1994

OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU. This probably isn’t Sid Meier’s pride and glory but I am just so completely in love with this game that it’s insane. I’d guess that I was about 11 or 12 when I played this game and I absorbed every detail this game threw at me. I knew what Paul Revere stands for! And Peter Minuit. But my favorite founding father was William Brewster!!! No more criminals or indentured servants! I learned about native tribes — the Sioux, Apache, Incas, Arawak, etc.

While making this post, I just found out that there’s going to be a remake of this game out by Q3 of this year. WONDERFUL. I’d still play this as it is though… hmm, maybe I should get it again.

Yes, I’ve played Civilization. I, II and III. Colonization just has a special place in my heart, ok?

SIM FARM - Maxis, 1993

DON’T LAUGH!!! This is one of the SIM games that I ended up playing SO MUCH of. And SIM ANT. Aside from SIM CITY, of course.

I always end up producing Apples, Oranges and Almonds because they sell for most money and those don’t really grow in the Philippines.

I take care of animals but I don’t make a lot of money out of it, but I just build them on small parcels of land where farms can’t fit.

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Okay, enough reminiscing. Time to find some new games.

This post has been spurned by the fact that I’m going to build myself a new PC. My 19″ LCD is gathering dust from lack of use.

EDIT/ADD: God, my writing SUCKS now. I’m trying to read more to improve my grammar and writing style.

My university (Ateneo de Manila) ranked 401-500 in the survey. They didn’t rank it by score, but listed alphabetically instead. UP (University of the Philippines) managed to skedaddle in at 398.

Looking at lists like this makes me sad since it reminds me of my old dreams of studying in a top university, undergraduate or an MBA. Well, MBA schools technically aren’t listed here, but their main outfits are. UPenn has Wharton. MIT has Sloan. Northwestern has Kellogg. And Harvard has… Harvard, heh.

ANYWAY. Looking at this damn list of the top 400 schools pisses me off. Why? I keep seeing UNITED STATES. UNITED STATES. UNITED STATES. If the United States have so much GREAT universities at their disposal, why are they afraid that foreigners will come to steal their jobs? Afraid of a little competition?

When I flew to the United States after a short vacation from Denmark, I was barred from entry at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport. I went to Europe for 3 weeks after spending a month in the USA and was flying to LA for my return trip back to the Philippines. I explained to the immigration officials that I had an event in the USA (prior to flying to the EU), wherein I was contributing articles and paid at a monthly basis. I WAS DENIED ENTRY. They thought I was going to illegally immigrate. They told me TO MY FACE that the problem was I might be STEALING American jobs. WHAT.

Gaming is a niche, it’s what I’ve been doing for years and Gotfrag built it’s foundation upon the legs of American and NON-American writers. Just because it’s registered as an American company (by a freaking American-born Chinese man) does not mean it should only hire AMERICAN writers.

Give me a break. After a lengthy discussion, they finally let me through. I missed my flight and had to rebook a new one. I have a “record” now. How retarded can you get.

We (the non-Americans) help build Gotfrag from the ground up but only Americans have the right to see it succeed? I’m not bashing the Gotfrag people, but the backwards American mentality of SOME, not ALL.

This is how I see America sometimes. They have a wealth of tools, schools and opportunities at their disposal and yet they whine. Indians stealing our jobs. Mexicans stealing our jobs. Filipinos stealing our jobs. Okay, I must admit that there are a LOT of Filipinos abroad, but it’s unfair to be treated accordingly despite different motivations.

I understand there are a lot of Filipinos in need of a better life. For people here without access to higher education, it’s difficult for them to secure decent paying jobs, so they decide to go abroad to work as helpers just to send money home. Is this bad? Filipinos are being branded as maids, but I take pride knowing that there are no other people who are more capable of taking care of the children of strangers. I find it insulting that people use the word “maid” or “helper” or “caretaker” as an insult to Filipinos. It’s not a job with a Fortune 500 company, but it’s a NOBLE job. I can’t wait for those people who hurl insults at Filipinos to turn 80, when they can’t wipe their own ass and cry in terror about having to sleep with shit between their butt cheeks.

Anyway, I digress. About the schools and the opportunities that come along with them. I personally am not aiming to move to America for a better life. No. I don’t care. I want to move to a new country ONLY if I am going to do a job I love. That’s almost what I had… but of course, my citizenship got in the way… AGAIN.

Bitter, bitter. I’m not angry. I feel… dejected. I know I’d do a great job at it… I won’t even stop at great, I’d probably be the best damn employee there. Why? Because I would be grateful for the lengths it took for them to hire me, visas and all, and I would want to prove that I was worth every second and every penny it took them to get me there.

But well, it ain’t going to happen because I was not born in a country lucky enough to include the best universities or the best companies. I dreamt of going to a prestigious American university but I knew my mickey mouse currency would not be able to afford the tuition fees, much the less the living expenses.

So what? Do I dare to dream and continue to work hard enough to get noticed so that companies would actually put an effort to say, “We NEED her!” Or despite being able to reach the apex of it all, I’m still considered second-rate because of where I was born and the color of my passport?

It pisses me off to have my dreams slip away from my hands just because I’m not carrying the right citizenship. I’m sorry — I’m not exactly branding myself as utterly deserving but I would love to have a fair chance at every opportunity. Globalization, pfft, where is it? HOGWASH.

I’m obviously VERY biased in my argument. Of course, the USA has to take care of its own citizens and their own national interest. I’m just very bitter, that’s all.

But I still smile every single day, because that’s what I do. I live for challenges. I’m going to own every single one of you.

Do you let go of dreams when it’s close to impossible or do you start to build around it?

Is running around the edges a good alternative before taking a leap of faith and dive into the moat?

Are dreams simply a prettier name for blind hope?

Hmmm!

There needs to be more cooking shows on TV.

I think cooking shows are the easiest things to watch in the world. How can someone NOT want to watch cooking shows? Everybody Almost everybody loves food… okay, minus anorexics etc. BUT yo, food is one of the best pleasures of the world!! Quit hating food!!

If you cook, watching cooking shows improve your own cooking and gives you amazing new ideas. If you don’t cook, it’s a good springboard to learn. If you don’t care so much to learn about cooking, just watching edible beauty unfolding in full-color HDTV should be a sight to behold. Okay, it sucks that you can’t have it from the TV but there are trade-offs everywhere.

I wish there was a dedicated channel on TV that only has cooking shows. Jamie Oliver. Mario. (No Rachel Ray, please) Top Chef. Oh my. Barefoot Contessa. And live cooking porn with Nigella!!! Hahaha. Alton Brown. I love them, I need more of them on TV.

I’m honestly sick of watching CNN day in and day out. Nowadays, there’s nothing interesting on TV except from the gas crisis, etc. I care about the issue, but it’s the same thing over and over and over and over that anyone would be sick of it. Sick! Of! IT!

Anyway, Top Chef is on TV and can I just say… OMG I love you Elia!!!! She has the most beautiful head of hair and she shaved it all off!! But she still looks AMAZING. I love it. I love her.

And Sam is freaking sexy. A sexy chef, haha. Like the kid on TV said… that sexy diabetic over there!

Aiyayay, more cooking shows…. please. PLEASE!

My heart is palpitating. I’m on my 3rd cup of coffee — and when I say “cup”, I mean a MUG, a big one. So technically it’s 5 cups of coffee or so.

Anyway, my brain is running on overdrive right now, racing against my hyper heartbeat. Dugdugdug. When does one’s heart wear out?

I’m excited for Saturday. My friend is having an 80’s theme party. I already have my outfit all planned out — a high-waist bubble skirt, an oversized white tshirt, ankle boots and bare legs. I hope that’s 80s enough for them. I have multicolored leg-warmers but they make my legs look horrid. HORRID!

Health, ah health. I’m thinking of going back to doing Bikram Yoga. I don’t mind my body right now, actually. For the first time, I’m pretty much content with how it looks. But being a bit more healthy wouldn’t be so bad… I’m going to try to fix my sleep schedule again (waking up around 7am) so I can do the 8:30am class everyday. I’d hate to take the night classes, because parking will be a serious bitch.

My life, my life. Life is what you make of it. I feel immobile for the past few months waiting for _one_ thing. I feel like I deserve it, that I’ve worked for it and that I have enough experience to be more than qualified for it. But no matter how much I say it will not make it mine. This is out of my hands. No one EVER deserves anything. None of that is ever really accurately calculated. Who deserves more and who deserves less?

The job I want to get in Manila is with company A. Not only are they established, but its close to my home and… the YOGA STUDIO. Haha. So I’m thinking of doing yoga classes before or after work. Ideally, anyway.

As for the B job… it’s big. B big. But it’s a long shot. A loooooooooong shot. There’s hoping and there’s BLIND hope. I have to get over it. I’ve wasted enough time in 2008. I have to make each day count now.

So. My friends are asking me what I want to do, since I’m job hunting. The problem is, I’ve been into writing and gaming for the past 4 years that I can’t accurately pinpoint what I want to do — especially that my resume will be pretty much swayed into that direction.

I DON’T want to write anymore. I’m thinking about what I’ve wanted to do when I was still in college. ADVERTISING. EVENTS. MARKETING. DESIGN. Those were the industries I wanted to delve in before I received my degree. But I ended up writing… and in gaming.

I’m turning 25 in a few months. I guess gaming only works when you’re 19. It’s so hard to pass on my resume to local companies because it reads “writer” and “gamer”, where I get totally snubbed. No, I’m NOT even aiming high. I don’t mind working as an intern or as an entry-level employee, as long as it’s a field that I like working in — any of those I mentioned above. I’m still applying. We’ll see.

Last year, I went to Europe 4 times. South Korea twice, and then once in China and the USA. I was away from home half the year. I made great money. What an adventure. But adventure ends and real life begins. And it begins now.

No more excuses, no more blind hope. Time to DO something and STOP waiting.

I wanted it!!!! I could have been mine!!!

But apparently it’s the spring collection and it’s gone now!! *sadface* I asked Mark to buy it for me in Paris and it’s gone, gone, gone!

Oh the pain…  sigh.

I got it in Chocolate instead. Warm and pretty. In a bigger size too. There are STILL good things after not getting the one you want! (focus, meditate, recite, rinse, repeat)

Thank you Mark!!!! (and Taha to an extent)